In the past, I’ve written dedicated blog posts about predominantly negative feelings. As I sit here, in a comfy lawn chair, on a Tuesday at noon, with an adorable and perfect puppy, ice water in hand, basking in the sun, and watching my dog roll around in the grass; I never imagined that life could be this way. I never thought that I could feel this good, and be so content in life. 29 and feelin’ fine. I’ve struggled with depression most of my life. Even as a kid I remember having extremely negative thoughts, feeling like I was constantly in chains, bound by existential dread.
This year has been one of the hardest so far, for sure. We are all struggling with the repercussions of Miss Rona, undoubtedly. On top of that, just within the first four months of 2020, my husband sustained a significant head injury at work and weeks later I lost my grandfather unexpectedly. And it’s weird; the sadness that is always present was still there, only magnified. I realized that I am always sad, no matter what is going on in my life. It felt like a wake-up call.
I decided within myself that it was time for a change. I began therapy again over Zoom and am processing all these feelings. Something that always contributed to my depression was working outside the home. I am a night owl and hated living on sleeping pills during the week just to wake up for my 6am office job. It just wasn’t me. I’ve done a lot of blogging and writing over the past few years and I wanted to finally live my dream.
With all the extra time that Miss Rona allowed me, I began dedicating time to this blog, and also writing food articles for various clients. And I did it with a genuine smile on my face. It didn’t matter what time I went to bed; as long as the work gets done. What freedom! I started to feel better.
I realized that my grandfather didn’t take shit from anyone, and he persevered through so much throughout his life. The least I can do is live my life the way I want to the best of my ability, in honor of him. Being a food writer allows me to do that. And I am so happy to wake up (at a reasonable, but later time) and walk over to my computer to start working. Most days, un-showered and sleep still in my eyes. And I don’t have to feel bad about it.
The bottom line is that it’s so important to do what you love. If you feel dread going into your 9-5 every day, there are better things around the corner. Do research. See what avenues there are out there that coincide with your interests. I researched food media and how to become a freelancer articles constantly. I took those steps and over time, they paid off. I’m not saying that this is viable for everyone, because everyone comes from different circumstances. If you are able to develop a cherished hobby and then research it, that’s the first hurdle.
The old saying is that when you do something you love, it doesn’t feel like work. I used to scoff at that remark. But now I understand, and that bitterness is gone. It took 3 years to get to this level of happiness, and you will get there too. Thank you for continuing to read and support my happiness and well-being.